you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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