That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We need to get me chipped asap
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
