what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
