A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
