she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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