i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
