Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
