Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
