the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
