Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
