Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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