Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
