I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
