But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
