I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
