Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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