Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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