so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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