It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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