are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
