Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
