dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
