How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
