I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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