Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish you could order shots online.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
