I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
