I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
