On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
