The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
