We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
should my penis look like a turkey
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Boobs speak an international language.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
