Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
