rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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