I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
