apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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