one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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