Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
