Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
