Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
