Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
