you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
