her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
