Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
