I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This is classic penis vs brain.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
