Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
