I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
