Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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