Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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