Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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