after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
