we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
