I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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