Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
