when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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