I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
