when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude i'm inner monologue high
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
