WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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