I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
