you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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