i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
smell my finger.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
